No one likes to admit it, but marriage takes a lot of work. When both parties are incapable of putting forth the effort, a relationship can spoil rather quickly, making one feel as if they failed in their commitments. The majority of relationships that quote-unquote fail, though, aren’t really failures at all; it’s simply a drifting apart of two individual hearts, minds and souls. Still, a lot of couples refrain from dealing with it because of the stigma that comes with divorce. But if you’re not happy in a relationship, how can you ever be happy in life? The best thing to do is find an amicable path for the dissolution of your marriage, also known as conscious uncoupling.
Conscious uncoupling utilizes kindness, loving gestures, genuine respect and honorable efforts to do what’s right for the right reasons. Having been around since the 1970s, conscious uncoupling was further defined in 1990 by author Diane Vaughan, popularized as an online course in 2011 by marriage and family therapist Katherine Woodward Thomas, and made famous by Gwyneth Paltrow during her separation from Chris Martin in 2014. This method of separation is not only meant to help a marriage dissolve gracefully, but help each party understand why the marriage didn’t work and move forward in a healthy relationship with the self.
- The first step is to find your emotional freedom by acknowledging the circumstances and identifying your feelings toward what’s happening and why.
- Next, you’ll reclaim the power in your life by refraining from becoming the victim. Blaming yourself for the breakdown in the relationship keeps you vulnerable to the lies you tell yourself.
- Step three involves breaking patterns and healing your heart. Every irritation, argument or negative feeling you have toward the situation is rooted in a fear or trauma from your past. Only when you’re able to recognize the patterns can you move forward with a strong, healthy outlook on your future.
- After recognizing theses triggers, it’s time to let go of the promises you and your spouse made to one another.
- And finally, you’ll need to offer forgiveness and inspire those around you to do the same, treating your spouse as a friend, not an enemy. Then and only then will you have created a path to your happily ever after.
Divorce shouldn’t be looked upon as a negative; sometimes it’s better for everyone involved, especially kids, for a couple to separate amicably than live in a state of grief or resentment. Self-reflection is at the heart of conscious uncoupling, allowing mutual respect to flourish among couples and their families. By nurturing a dignified and respectful relationship and focusing on the positive aspects of your future rather than the negative aspects of your past, you’re able to accept the circumstances create path for a positive, healthy future for you and your family.